An Apology

HEY-YO, It’s your favorite golden-throated announcer, Scout Materson from MLB on CBS. For the last 40 years, I have prided myself on insightful, colorful, and honest commentary. I’ve done a lot to earn your trust, which is why I must apologize.

Last Friday, during the Dodgers–Cardinals game, you probably heard me say, “Stay tuned for a new episode of one of my new favorite shows, Fire Country, it’s going to be a real barn burner.” I need to come clean: I don’t watch Fire Country. Sure, it might have sounded like I was on the edge of my seat when I eagerly said, “When a helicopter crash ignites chaos during Gabriela and Diego’s wedding, the team must leap into action to stop the fire before it gets out of control, but will they have enough time?”. But the truth is, I don’t know who Gabriela and Diego are. I couldn’t tell you if the “team” in question are firefighters, paramedics, or just some folks with access to hoses.

As I drove home that evening, I couldn’t help but feel like I betrayed you, so I researched the show a bit… Apparently, there is this fella, star of the show, Bode Leone, and Man oh Man, he’s got secrets! Also, the bone structure of a daytime soap surgeon. But here’s the rub, he’s a prisoner but also a firefighter. See, on this show, there is an exchange program where he can serve his time fighting fires? I respect that. My own son’s in prison, prescription fraud. A dealer, not a junkie. My wife says it doesn’t make a difference, but I think it does. She says I’m splitting hairs; I say the hair’s already been split.

Anyway Fire Country. You know there is a two-part episode where somebody’s cousin forgot to unplug the deep fryer and all hell breaks loose. Yeah…Crazy. That's why I’m all about the air fryer.

Now as ridiculous as that plot might sound, It got me.

I know I’m supposed to be impartial. I’ve made a career of keeping my head when the count is full and the crowd’s losing theirs. But there’s something about Fire Country that makes me lean forward. Put my emotions out there for all to see. Stakes! Melodrama!

The fact this show is out there and I’ve missed it. Didn’t have a clue. Why? Because I’m locked in a booth watching grown men play a child’s game. What else am I missing?

So, at sixty years old, after four decades in the booth, I’m making a change. I’m retiring from calling games and devoting myself to my new passion: a Fire Country podcast called Burning Down the House.

Every week, we’ll relive the cliffhangers, the impossible helicopter landings, and the moments that make you say, “Damn, this is good television.” It’s a show that frankly makes me kiss my wife in a way that I haven’t kissed her since our honeymoon. I guess you can say, the fires on that show have ignited a fire in me!

I’ve called pennant races, perfect games, and one no-hitter that turned out to be a scoring error in the third. I’ve seen rookies choke and veterans rise. But this… this is the first time I’ve felt truly alive.

Sometimes you’ve got to know when to step out of the batter’s box… and into a burning forest. So I hope you join me. We’ll take your calls (as soon as I figure out google voice mail) and read your letters—some of them.

Thank you, Baseball. But the only diamond I’m watching now is a ring at a firehouse wedding.

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