Beware of the Thanksgiving Conversations More Dangerous Than Politics & Religion
Everyone knows politics and religion are the most dangerous topics at the Thanksgiving table. But those aren’t the only ones. The following topics are just as combustible and potentially more dangerous.
“Did You Actually Read That or Just Hear It on a Podcast?”
When someone said they recently “READ something, but you know they heard it on a podcast, because you listen to the same one. Please DO NOT ask them for clarification. Sure, you are just trying to bond, but it undercuts everything that person is trying to say. Reading is a smart thing. Listening is a lazy one. Keep the power balance by pretending everyone is an avid reader. Instead, try: "Oh, yeah, I read that article too.” When it comes to podcast fact dumps, “Don’t Ask. Don’t Tell.
Isn’t Cereal Just Breakfast Soup?
Okay, Seinfeld. Let's not use the dinner to hone your tight five. Dinners are a place for argument, reflection, resentment, and lies, NOT your dumb bits.
Red Vines vs. Twizzlers
It is an age old debate that can surely get someone KILLED, or worse. This isn’t about candy. It’s about identity. Red Vines people think Twizzlers taste like scented candles. Twizzlers people think Red Vines have the texture of pool noodles. There is no middle ground. Do not over up a taste test.
You’re a Miranda
While figuring out which Sex in the City Character we are is a Thanksgiving tradition, don’t label anyone as being a Miranda. It is an insult to most people. Yes, she’s complex and fascinating, but people don’t see it that way. Instead, let someone call themselves a Miranda on their own terms.
Epstein’s Plane
Do not accuse anyone of flying on Epstein’s private plane. Even if you have receipts, it’s simply not the time or place to call Grandma to task for her behavior in the mid-90s.
The Hot Dog is a Sandwich?
Yes, science proves this to be true, it’s meat between two buns! But people refuse to see this as a subject up for debate and will surely wreck your meal.
STAY AWAY FROM THESE TOPICS and have a WONDERFUL THANKSGIVING
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Happy Thanksgiving to you, Ms June, and your kids. Both red vines and twizzlers are red, bland, plastic strips.
This thanksgiving I’m thankful for you, Paul, and your hard work compiling this list to save everyone else from an uncomfortable meal! A few other hot-button questions to avoid at the table: what other animals does the president’s pardon power extend to? And what crimes did those turkeys commit in the first place? They lead to nothing but trouble.