Fantasy Football 2025: Best Team Names, Scoring Twists, League Punishments & Sleeper Picks
Names to steal, scoring chaos to add, and punishments to fear.
Fantasy Football season: the one time of year my friends pretend I’m an expert instead of a guy who once drafted a kicker in the 8th round. But I swear 2022 was a Kicker Year!
Since people ask me the same things every year, here’s a little FAQ and, more importantly, ways to make your league better, dumber, and more fun.
FAQ
Do you play Fantasy Football in Real Life?
Yes, I’m in too many leagues (6), I like Sleeper, and No, I can’t be in your league.
Will you pick the Order of my Fantasy Draft?
No. But I guarantee a bunch of people on Cameo will. Get an Austin Powers impersonator to do it. It will be way more entertaining.
Who should I draft 1st?
If you don’t know who to draft 1st. Stop playing Fantasy Football.
Gimme a Sleeper Pick?
Man, who knows: Drake Maye, and if you have a DEEP LEAGUE Shedeur Sanders (Why not?)
Okay, glad that’s out of the way.
GET A BETTER TEAM NAME
Need a FANTASTY TEAM NAME? Steal one of these
Jealous Tua Type
KPop Demon Kelce
Orange You Glad It’s Mahomes
Timmy Chalamettonio Gates
Truth, Justice, and the Lamarican Way
Saquonda Forever
Laddy LaBubus
Brock to the Future
Fast & the Achane-ious
Run CMC
Jeanty in the Streets
Nacua Matata
Can you best these? Probably…Share yours below:
SPICE UP YOUR SCORING
Normal Scoring is Lame. Create Chaos every week.
If a starter finishes with 0 points, you lose 5.
Touchdowns over 40 yards earn escalating bonuses (+4 at 40, +5 at 50, +6 at 60…).
Every Wednesday, the Commish spins a wheel—whatever stat it lands on is worth double (fumbles, receptions, sacks, etc.).
Win by 40+? You must donate your kicker to the loser’s roster for a week.
Once per season, you can force your opponent to start someone from their bench (not in playoffs).
Winner of the consolation bracket gets the 1st pick next season.
GETTING THE SACKO (aka Punishments That Won’t Get You Fired or Branded for Life)
Loser has to make a 12-month calendar for the league (costumes required, monthly themes encouraged).
Loser must go to a petting zoo and get photos with every animal, but the photos have to be taken by strangers and you have to try and kiss the animal in every picture.
Must write a book (yes, you can use AI) and self-publish on Amazon. Title: How to Be the Worst at Fantasy Football. Alt option: start a website, it has to be YOURNAME.com with a banner that declares “I Am the Worst at Fantasy Football.”
Loser does a food delivery for each league member, acting as the league’s personal Uber Eats driver (orders paid for by the member, and you can only use this once, like on Christmas Eve).
Must carry a Labubu everywhere for a full year. If any league member asks to see it and you can’t produce it, your sentence gets extended another month.
WHAT ELSE
Each Week, the team with the lowest points has to record a 5 Minute (Min) podcast, just about your league, don’t have podcast equipment, do a Voice Note, or record a Zoom, ideally one guest per episode.
Last Year, we started doing $5 Side Bets. Why give your Money to Draft Kings when you can give and take it From Your Friends? My kicker outperforms your QBs $5.
Enjoy the next few months of High Highs and Low Lows, and remember
NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR FANTASY TEAM
I’m living in LA at LARGO on 8/22 with Lisa Gilroy, Rob Riggle, Seth Morris, Mary Holland, Suzi Barrett, Danielle Schneider, Owen Burke, Chad Carter. Get a TWO FOR ONE TICKET HERE!
Bet on things other than sports with friends/family too - like if your father in law will sing along to whatever comes on the radio, or how long a traffic light will stay red, or if you can get a single perfect ice cube out of the fridge door dispenser with a short press (as opposed to two or three chunks of ice). Introduce the league chaos mindset to every aspect of life. Change the game!
Well so far I was Trophy Wife after I won, then Mother Tucker when I kept drafting Justin Tucker. This year I am Batmobile St. Brown (Burrow and Amon Ra).