My Coachella Diary

A Guide to Best Performances You Missed While Trying to Sneak into VIP

I started my career at Pitchfork, I’m the one who gave Mars Volta’s "Ninth Wave" a 0.0 and that is coming from a HUGE fan of Caribbean Yacht Rock!

So forget Gaga, Post Malone, Green Day and Travis Scott, these are bands that really made a statement at Coachella.

Wet Ghost @ Glow Stick Cathedral

An EDM duo who only perform in translucent ponchos and speak like Borat.

They dropped one bassline that forced a woman into labor and she wasn’t even pregnant.

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Dumpster Garden @ The Bleeding Ears Tent

Portland-based noise-punk band that only sings about composting.

Their 14-minute opener was just feedback and it was transcendent.

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Phife @ The Scented Candle Soundstage

Dreamy ambient duo who play synthesizers programmed only with bird noises.

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Slop Gawwwd @ The Spotify Algorithm Tent

Atlanta rapper known for his viral TikTok hit “I Got Gout.”

He performed his entire set while having an argument with a relative on the phone, during the choruses.

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Vitamin C and the Commencement Addressers @ The “I Only Know One Song” Tent

Vitamin C— backed by a full ska orchestra. 54 horns. They opened and closed with the same song. And they only played 2 songs.

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Vaping Jesus – BPM Dungeon

Less of a performance and more of an experience, I experienced a forbidden techno ritual led by a woman named F*8>? where the entire crowd carried a crucifix made of speakers while they moshed.

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Now obviiously I didn’t see everything, I spent most of my time trying to find my car. So if I missed your favorite act drop it in the comments. Don’t tell me about Snow Strippers— I’m still emotionally processing it.

Just announcing this for SUBSTACKERS only…DINOSAUR IMPROV with Jason Mantzoukas, Lisa Gilroy, Lennon Parham, Seth Morris and Me is coming to Toronto (One Night Only 5/8) and Chicago (5/10). Tickets will be announced Wednesday but here’s an early link to Chicago

EARLY SHOW 7:15PM — LATE SHOW 9:30PM

( Also HDTGM w/ June will be in Toronto on 5/9 )

BRAND NEW EPISODE OF DARK WEB UP TODAY