My Super Secret Travel Diary
An intimate look on my personal journey across the pond (which is actually not a pond at all)
SATURDAY
Board overnight flight to Paris, Drink a Glass of Champagne, eat 1/2 a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, take a tylenol PM and start watching Roadhouse remake on iPad…Wake up 9hrs a later in a different seat wearing my son’s clothes.
SUNDAY
Get in a fight with a Frenchman about how to pronounce SEINE, I insist it’s Sein like Seinfeld, but he disagrees. I choose not to press it as to not embarass this man on his native soil.
MONDAY
Visit Eiffel Tour dressed as MAYDAY from View to a Kill, kicked off the line and asked not to return. I think it was because I was dressed in the assless chaps she wore and not the outfits she wore in the Eifell Tower fight. Found the Sunglass Hut in the Louvre ran out of time to see the Mona Lisa.
TUESDAY
Insisted on seeing it felt when John Wick was kicked down the the Stairs at Rue Foyatier in John Wick 4. Spent the night in a hospital.
WEDNESDAY
Landed in London, went to see a show in the West End. I figured out the twist ending of Mouse Trap and shouted it out during the first act, people got angry because apparently I was watching The Lion King.
THURSDAY
Went to tower of London, didn’t have much success selling my newest novelty shirts that read, “HERE’S YOUR CROWN JEWELS” with an arrow pointing down to the crotch. I just think people didn’t get it. Brits don’t get subtle humor.
FRIDAY
Saw Big Ben he wasn’t as large as I thought but he definitely was a better kisser than I expected.
WHATS NEW
My Improv group, DINOSAUR with Jason Mantzoukas, Lisa GHilroy, Rob Huebel, Carl Tart, Phil Jackson, Chad Carter, Owen Burke and Lily Sullivand are performing in SEATTLE & PORTLAND on 5/31 and 6/1
This week on UNSPOOLED we are tackling JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR
If you are a fan of BLANK CHECK w/ Griffin & David (and you should be), Jason Mantzoukas and I talk about LAST ACTION HERO for almost 4 hours and it was GLORIOUS
Joyful Recollections of Trauma comes out on 5/21 — I finally sent out the UK postcards, while I was in London and I have a bunch of exciting book signing events coming up in NYC, Chicago, LA, Toronto, Seattle and Portland, stay tuned. You can still register for Pre-Sale Goodies
As a Brit, can I suggest you add "by which I mean my testicles and/or penis" to that t-shirt to avoid confusion?
Looking forward to the Dublin show tomorrow! By the way, if you have time in Dublin, you might wanna check out Little Deer Comics. Some nice stuff!
I don't know if you get Maltesers in the US, but I strongly recommend you get some Maltesers while you're in the UK. Best supermarket chocolate - craps all over Australian Maltesers. Their Cadbury isn't as good as Australian Cadbury, though.