As someone rapidly approaching baldness, early on I decided to just accept my changing looks. Why fight destiny? Besides, I’m a cartoonist, and many of the legends (Crockett Johnson, Dan Clowes, Charles Burns to name a few) have embraced “the lifestyle” so it seems only natural for me to follow in the footsteps of greatness, right? It’s that, or grow my eyebrows out REALLY long and comb them back over my head like a Dick Tracy villain.
Hot damn, this was a great piece! Paul, I knew you were funny, I didn’t know you were deep! Subscribed.
For the Baldness archives: when Patrick Stewart auditioned for Captain Picard on Star Trek: TNG the producers originally wanted to slap a toupee on him. Roddenberry refused. Initially people thought it was because baldness would be cured by the 23rd century. Roddenberry said no: by then, people won’t care, and there won’t be anything to cure!
Baldness is a power move. Let everyone else make jokes, projecting their insecurity. The Balds are a community who are celebrate a new member joining the group.
I have red hair, it’s been a huge part of my life. Something that everyone’s commented on: from praise and bemusement (“how is it that red!”) to many many many bad and unfair jokes after that South Park episode came out. Conan was always a hero to me because of his hair. It has shaped me as a person for lack of a better term.
I’m starting to bald now. And it’s been hard feeling self conscious about it all the time. I wear a lot of hats, I avoid mirrors. Feeling like I’m at a crossroads. I make a lot of jokes about flying me and my brother to Turkey for a hair transplant, but, would it really change anything? Hard to say.
My dad started going bald around my age and we teased him relentlessly about it. Now that I’m going through it too, I feel really bad for adding to the shame and anxiety he felt about well.
Anyways, great article Paul. This one hit different. Thanks for sharing.
Its health tourism turned into a whole economic model that increases GDP. Favorable exchange rates and world-class facilities in places like Turkey and even Tijuana mean your average Jane & Joe can get Hollywood star like procedures to look like the influencers they see all the time. Turkey has been a real success story - for many men who think getting the Bosley treatment with a reputable doctor is too expensive ($15k+ starting), in Turkey, it’s a fraction of the price with arguably the same result. You’ll see people get bad stuff from bad doctors, but it’s becoming so common that people in places like the UK have come up with a lexicon to compliment and describe the work they see on their friends, e.g. ‘Turkey Teeth’ for someone who got veneers. GQ has reported on this. I almost think it’s like a boob job for men - everyone knows it’s not real, but after while, no one cares! But they do look at you differently. Maybe the new hairline is a little bit more innocuous, but, I digress.
colombia too, and arguably better. but face facts, few men have enough donor hair for a decent transplant, and those that do, mostly younger men, are not told their baldness likely will continue, leaving them with an island of plugs; michael keaton suffered this fate.....
articles always talk about how common hair loss is; but hair loss and baldness are not the same; bon jovi complains he has some hair loss; but he is not patrick stewart, who by the way, like me, started balding in his early 20s, and felt a true sense of insecurity about it. bon jovi is my age and we even briefly attended the same high school; by the time he was a hirsute superstar in the mid 80's, i was getting suburned on my scalp. some men do not lose hair until they are well into their 70s. this is not the same animal. when simon and garfunkle did their famout 1981 concert in central park, which i attended but could not get close enough to hear, garfunkle was incensed that simon wanted them both to wear wigs; but he agreed. i blame the beatles for making long haired skinny guys more sexy than bald, vin diesel types....
I watch a youtube about a car guy who got a turkish hair transplant (the channel's normally about cars so this was out of left field; just a personal note from him). I don't know anything about how long they last but his looks pretty darn good.
It is so so so tempting. Basically, my assumption is that most famous men have had some work done on their hair / hairlines. They won’t admit it, but they have.
Look at Steve Carrell first season of the office, McConaughey, there’s literally so many.
trust nothing; lighting and now photo shopping can make anyone look hairy; jonathan cryer was bald but had enough sparse hair that makeup artists could fill it in enough to make him look hairy; but this is not something you can do in every day life.
I really enjoyed this! You’re an inspiration to us all, Paul.
I’m 51 and have been taking Propecia in pill form for around 7 years. I’m not sure if it’s working or not, but I’m terrified to stop taking it. What if I quit and all the hair I have left falls out? I’d go to sleep me (AKA a regular dude) and wake up Funko Pop Lex Luthor. Yeah, I’ve got a very large head. I’ve been told by different people, on more than one occasion, that I should never shave my head.
I am certain that I’m not growing any new hair because of the pill (which has crazy warnings all over the bottle and has been linked to “penile shrinkage”) and what I have is definitely still going away, albeit in a slowish manner. Ah, “going away” is such a gentle euphemism for the horror that is hair loss.
I’m hovering right around (read: I’m sinking well below) a Walton Goggins level of hair, I think- no one I know will tell me the truth. That mostly means that if I use enough product you’d almost think that I’m a “normal” guy- except, that is, for my Official Friar Tuck Circle of Baldness in the back.
I just love it when people send me group pictures where I’m facing away from the camera. It’s like they’re trying to remind me that the guy I see in the mirror every day has been lying to me. He won’t tell me that I’m bald(ing), so they take up that terrible burden for him.
I will for sure try it, if at all possible, but I’m thinking it will probably have some awful side-effects way down the road. Lots of “wonder drugs” have ended up causing something worse than the thing they cure, I assume. Is penile dementia a thing?
Either that or it will be prohibitively expensive. I’m poor today and may be much worse off in six months. There’s a very real possibility I’m going to lose my house. They’re probably not going to be handing this miracle drug out to homeless people.
If this drug comes out quickly enough (and it works for me), maybe regaining my hair will make me more confident and thus more successful. If that’s the case, this could be the catalyst that turns my whole life around!
I'm the opposite. Pretty good head of hair, but I'm almost 40 and still waiting for my beard to look like something more impressive than a 15 year old could grow. Do they have a pill for that?
I never tried anything to bring back my hair, but I have had a growing bald spot for over 20 years. I finally decided to just start shaving my head and I like the way it looks now. 🧑🏼🦲✊🏼
I think a lot of dudes panic over baldness because they see it as a sign of ageing, I never really made that connection because I went bald so early, I started balding at 18 and by the time I was 20 it had gotten really thin. Shaved it off then and I have no regrets, I wouldn't go back even with a cure.
many people do not realize how common hair loss is in women; basically the same rate as men, but slower and more diffuse. there are some races, like native americans, who simply did not have the genes for baldness till the europeans arrived.
I honestly don’t know what I would do. I’ve come to enjoy shaving my head every week. It is so easy to maintain and so much cheaper than going to a barber. On the other hand, I’ve had three melanomas cut out of my scalp so some natural cover back up there could be life saving. I guess it says something about me that I’m considering dying for convenience and cheapness.
I noticed I was losing my hair when I was 20 years old. I clung to the thinning strands, growing it out as long as possible so I could comb it over and create a sort of thin, almost translucent, Conan-esque pompadour. It was terrible, but I couldn’t accept it. At 23 years old I went to a barber to clean up and attempt to shape and hide my lack of hair, the barber asked if he could try something that he thought I might like, and I told him to go for it, the man proceeded to buzz my hair off, taking the decision out of my hand. But, even though I felt like I was on fire as he was buzzing my head, I began to feel the weight of hiding my baldness from the world lift off my shoulders (or head). It was the most freeing feeling and I gained confidence that I hadn’t felt in years. I was a new man when I embraced being bald, and I would never go back. Being bald is a way of life, and I’m proud to live it.
When I first met my husband his go-to line was that he wasn’t bald, he just had clear hair. I thought it was a hilarious take, and I still do…even though I now know that he ripped off that line from Andre 😆
I have always loved bald men—starting with a crush on Hoss (of Bonanza fame), moving on to Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart), and now my husband.
pernell roberts wore a piece
As someone rapidly approaching baldness, early on I decided to just accept my changing looks. Why fight destiny? Besides, I’m a cartoonist, and many of the legends (Crockett Johnson, Dan Clowes, Charles Burns to name a few) have embraced “the lifestyle” so it seems only natural for me to follow in the footsteps of greatness, right? It’s that, or grow my eyebrows out REALLY long and comb them back over my head like a Dick Tracy villain.
That's a solid look
I’m just not cut out for a life of crime.
Haha
Hot damn, this was a great piece! Paul, I knew you were funny, I didn’t know you were deep! Subscribed.
For the Baldness archives: when Patrick Stewart auditioned for Captain Picard on Star Trek: TNG the producers originally wanted to slap a toupee on him. Roddenberry refused. Initially people thought it was because baldness would be cured by the 23rd century. Roddenberry said no: by then, people won’t care, and there won’t be anything to cure!
Thanks Andrew. The pieces here really lean more to the comedy cause it’s easier but my book definitely hits more of these notes
Baldness is a power move. Let everyone else make jokes, projecting their insecurity. The Balds are a community who are celebrate a new member joining the group.
👆🏼
I have red hair, it’s been a huge part of my life. Something that everyone’s commented on: from praise and bemusement (“how is it that red!”) to many many many bad and unfair jokes after that South Park episode came out. Conan was always a hero to me because of his hair. It has shaped me as a person for lack of a better term.
I’m starting to bald now. And it’s been hard feeling self conscious about it all the time. I wear a lot of hats, I avoid mirrors. Feeling like I’m at a crossroads. I make a lot of jokes about flying me and my brother to Turkey for a hair transplant, but, would it really change anything? Hard to say.
My dad started going bald around my age and we teased him relentlessly about it. Now that I’m going through it too, I feel really bad for adding to the shame and anxiety he felt about well.
Anyways, great article Paul. This one hit different. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing. I’ve heard so much about these Turkey hair transplants. I didn’t even know that was a thing
Its health tourism turned into a whole economic model that increases GDP. Favorable exchange rates and world-class facilities in places like Turkey and even Tijuana mean your average Jane & Joe can get Hollywood star like procedures to look like the influencers they see all the time. Turkey has been a real success story - for many men who think getting the Bosley treatment with a reputable doctor is too expensive ($15k+ starting), in Turkey, it’s a fraction of the price with arguably the same result. You’ll see people get bad stuff from bad doctors, but it’s becoming so common that people in places like the UK have come up with a lexicon to compliment and describe the work they see on their friends, e.g. ‘Turkey Teeth’ for someone who got veneers. GQ has reported on this. I almost think it’s like a boob job for men - everyone knows it’s not real, but after while, no one cares! But they do look at you differently. Maybe the new hairline is a little bit more innocuous, but, I digress.
colombia too, and arguably better. but face facts, few men have enough donor hair for a decent transplant, and those that do, mostly younger men, are not told their baldness likely will continue, leaving them with an island of plugs; michael keaton suffered this fate.....
articles always talk about how common hair loss is; but hair loss and baldness are not the same; bon jovi complains he has some hair loss; but he is not patrick stewart, who by the way, like me, started balding in his early 20s, and felt a true sense of insecurity about it. bon jovi is my age and we even briefly attended the same high school; by the time he was a hirsute superstar in the mid 80's, i was getting suburned on my scalp. some men do not lose hair until they are well into their 70s. this is not the same animal. when simon and garfunkle did their famout 1981 concert in central park, which i attended but could not get close enough to hear, garfunkle was incensed that simon wanted them both to wear wigs; but he agreed. i blame the beatles for making long haired skinny guys more sexy than bald, vin diesel types....
I watch a youtube about a car guy who got a turkish hair transplant (the channel's normally about cars so this was out of left field; just a personal note from him). I don't know anything about how long they last but his looks pretty darn good.
It is so so so tempting. Basically, my assumption is that most famous men have had some work done on their hair / hairlines. They won’t admit it, but they have.
Look at Steve Carrell first season of the office, McConaughey, there’s literally so many.
the vast majority are pieces and extensions; hair transplants cannot give anyone full hair.
trust nothing; lighting and now photo shopping can make anyone look hairy; jonathan cryer was bald but had enough sparse hair that makeup artists could fill it in enough to make him look hairy; but this is not something you can do in every day life.
I feel your bald pain, Paul. Funny as ever, man!
I really enjoyed this! You’re an inspiration to us all, Paul.
I’m 51 and have been taking Propecia in pill form for around 7 years. I’m not sure if it’s working or not, but I’m terrified to stop taking it. What if I quit and all the hair I have left falls out? I’d go to sleep me (AKA a regular dude) and wake up Funko Pop Lex Luthor. Yeah, I’ve got a very large head. I’ve been told by different people, on more than one occasion, that I should never shave my head.
I am certain that I’m not growing any new hair because of the pill (which has crazy warnings all over the bottle and has been linked to “penile shrinkage”) and what I have is definitely still going away, albeit in a slowish manner. Ah, “going away” is such a gentle euphemism for the horror that is hair loss.
I’m hovering right around (read: I’m sinking well below) a Walton Goggins level of hair, I think- no one I know will tell me the truth. That mostly means that if I use enough product you’d almost think that I’m a “normal” guy- except, that is, for my Official Friar Tuck Circle of Baldness in the back.
I just love it when people send me group pictures where I’m facing away from the camera. It’s like they’re trying to remind me that the guy I see in the mirror every day has been lying to me. He won’t tell me that I’m bald(ing), so they take up that terrible burden for him.
Arrogant hair-covered bastards.
Well here’s a question. You are close enough to this new pill to hold out a few months. So maybe you don’t have to stop. Just switch
I will for sure try it, if at all possible, but I’m thinking it will probably have some awful side-effects way down the road. Lots of “wonder drugs” have ended up causing something worse than the thing they cure, I assume. Is penile dementia a thing?
Either that or it will be prohibitively expensive. I’m poor today and may be much worse off in six months. There’s a very real possibility I’m going to lose my house. They’re probably not going to be handing this miracle drug out to homeless people.
If this drug comes out quickly enough (and it works for me), maybe regaining my hair will make me more confident and thus more successful. If that’s the case, this could be the catalyst that turns my whole life around!
I'm the opposite. Pretty good head of hair, but I'm almost 40 and still waiting for my beard to look like something more impressive than a 15 year old could grow. Do they have a pill for that?
Beard Pills would be great
some bald men also can't grow a beard.
I never tried anything to bring back my hair, but I have had a growing bald spot for over 20 years. I finally decided to just start shaving my head and I like the way it looks now. 🧑🏼🦲✊🏼
The shave was a godsend
Good Post, as a fellow slaphead I approve 👍
I think a lot of dudes panic over baldness because they see it as a sign of ageing, I never really made that connection because I went bald so early, I started balding at 18 and by the time I was 20 it had gotten really thin. Shaved it off then and I have no regrets, I wouldn't go back even with a cure.
Same. Plus I think you go bald early you look younger longer
You look younger to your peers and older to convenience store clerks...win win!
As a balding, wig-wearing woman, I feel so bad that men's wigs are so obvious/insane.
many people do not realize how common hair loss is in women; basically the same rate as men, but slower and more diffuse. there are some races, like native americans, who simply did not have the genes for baldness till the europeans arrived.
I honestly don’t know what I would do. I’ve come to enjoy shaving my head every week. It is so easy to maintain and so much cheaper than going to a barber. On the other hand, I’ve had three melanomas cut out of my scalp so some natural cover back up there could be life saving. I guess it says something about me that I’m considering dying for convenience and cheapness.
"I’m considering dying for convenience and cheapness."
If it's any consolation, I'm pretty sure we're all making that choice in varying ways every day.
I noticed I was losing my hair when I was 20 years old. I clung to the thinning strands, growing it out as long as possible so I could comb it over and create a sort of thin, almost translucent, Conan-esque pompadour. It was terrible, but I couldn’t accept it. At 23 years old I went to a barber to clean up and attempt to shape and hide my lack of hair, the barber asked if he could try something that he thought I might like, and I told him to go for it, the man proceeded to buzz my hair off, taking the decision out of my hand. But, even though I felt like I was on fire as he was buzzing my head, I began to feel the weight of hiding my baldness from the world lift off my shoulders (or head). It was the most freeing feeling and I gained confidence that I hadn’t felt in years. I was a new man when I embraced being bald, and I would never go back. Being bald is a way of life, and I’m proud to live it.
Thank God for the barbers of the world. I never knew to go to one and one of them asked me the same thing. Can I try something and the rest is history
I feel offended.
Finally.
The first and the last time I will feel like this.
When I first met my husband his go-to line was that he wasn’t bald, he just had clear hair. I thought it was a hilarious take, and I still do…even though I now know that he ripped off that line from Andre 😆
Combing my clear hair is the dumbest thing Andre has ever done
Great essay.